I got the job! I got the job!

I got the email this morning! The nanny job I wanted is mine! I start on february 20th. Man, oh man. I cannot wait. I am so excited. Excited to get the job, to move back into Toronto, to bond with these two children.

2006 is already shaping up to be better than 2005.

I didn't get kissed at midnight on New Year's eve, but I dealt out some sweet karma of loyalty and love. Now, by the second week of January in this new year I am enjoying an intense high. I have been in an unsinkable mood. If something is crumby, or even just mediocre in my day I can stare out the window and day dream about my life.

I love it so.

I am terrified of the variables in my future. Terrified in the way that I am usually before I launch myself and hit the ground running. Scared of someone who listened to me. The only person who heard me describe the feeling of complete and utter happiness I experienced on my road trip and ....he understood. a believer knows another believer. it is the most terrifying of wonderfuls that he understands. I would never have thought that anyone, let alone a guy I don't know, would have seen my paradise. It's like Narnia, you can tell by looking in someone's eyes if they've been there, if they truly understand your love of that place and how it makes you feel. And he has been there. And he understands. To meet such a kindred spirit of understanding was so wonderful. regardless of anything else, any future or any past of this person in my life, this person is important to me for this.

Not to mention the impending wrongs done that are looming to right themselves. A time in 2005 when I felt unloved. rejected. which is now approaching with each passing hour to redeem itself. an explanation, however unnecessary. since I maintain that everyone (if I allow it for myself) is unconditionally allowed to experience and remain true to their own feelings. apparently, however, I am to be overwhelmed now with the chances of being loved. Even though I believe that the ship has sailed on this particular relationship. It is never too late to resolve and reseam. I am not so rich as to deny a friendship. at least not with someone whom I believe has genuine motives.

And so, for many reasons I am happy. Therefor, my attitude is positive and hopeful. My attitude is what encourages me to think that the year will be sensational. I am hopeful. I refuse to not get my hopes up. To have my hopes up is where that thrillingly terrified feeling. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

It's feast or famine with this sister.